The Very Best
by Barbour Hall
Summary: On his journey to become a man, what must Ash Ketchum leave behind?


Ash always had a problem with this one chick. Always going around talking trash, talking down to the other trainers. Like she knew anything. This bitch couldn't even leave town without getting scared off by the Rattatas. Her name was Shlamille, and despite Ash's pure hatred of this woman, he couldn't get enough of her. Ash would watch Shlamille standing by the high grass, struggling to go in for fear the Rattatas would run off and ravage her again. Though she wanted to become a Pokemon master, she could not escape this one truth: she was a victim of reverse pokeality. Ash knew if he wanted to have her, he needed to go to the one person who could help, the guru of Pokemoning... Professor Oak. "Hello, Ash, how can I help you?" Oak asked. "I need you to figure out how to get these Rattata niggas off my bitch's dick, Oak." Oak opened his Pokedex.

On the screen was a picture of Oak's transexual girl/boyfriend. "Wow" said Ash "I can see that he/she's dick is fantastic no wonder you picked her. Also is she/he a new generation of pokemon? I have to wonder at the professionalism of dating a fighting slave creature." Oak said "Ignore that picture. You know what we should do get meta and write fan-fic I am so not drunk enough for this yet. Ash lets get my boy/girlfriend humanoid pokemon."

Ash gazed deeply into Professor Oaks eyes, a confusing mix of arousal and distrust welling up inside him. After a pregnant pause he finally collected his thoughts and spoke. "Professor, I can honestly say that I have no idea what you are talking about, but that sound hot as all fuck. Where can we go to find a meta? I don't think that pokemon is even in my pokedex yet, do I need these masterballs?" Ash finished, dropping his pants. "Sure Ash, leave those pants there and lets go find some pokemon in the tall grass."

Ash and Oak stood at the edge of town and looked on towards the grass. It was tall, erect, and full of life. Oak cupped the balls. "Let me show you something, Ash. Something I mastered a long time ago." Ash watched in awe, amazed, at the way Oak would grip them in his hands. Suddenly, Oak hurled a pokeball into the tall grass and nailed a Pidgey in the temple. "You see, Ash, meta is everywhere. It's what happens when you or I consciously exist in the world we know. Imagine our whole world is a video game, and we're suddenly aware of our replay value." Ash was speechless, but he got a semi, and it reminded him that he left his pants at the professor's.

Professor Oak was staring at Ash's semi-erect member. "You see Ash, there is a world outside of the world we know." Oak said, possessed by eroticism. Ash stood still as Oak slowly began taking off his clothes. "I've been to this world, and by looking at your shaft, I know that you can go too." Oak released his recently caught Pidgey onto the plain. "Do you want to go?" asked the Professor. "Are you ready for the experience?" Ash knew his answer before Oak had even asked. "Yes, Professor. Show me the way." Oak looked pleased. "Okay. You can begin by putting that fine penis into that Pidgey."

"But Professor... I only know four moves and I don't know that one!" Ash said. Oak shook his head sadly. "Ash, you always were a terrible trainer. I guess I'll have to show you myself." Oak took his labcoat and pants off. He stroked the Pidgey softly, overcome with passion. "now I'll show you how to level up your Pokemon." "You know what professor fuck it I'm gonna do it live." "What" uttered Oak, "Ash my man you can't just cock block me like that. So not cool." "Well sir, I'll be creative with leveling my pokemon, explore the whole relationship. So shut up bitch and give me my bulbasaur, I'm gonna leave this creepy pedophilic, bestial bat cave and catch me some damn pokemon." Astonished and getting limp Oak said "But Ash without the train..." "Fuck this" Ash interrupted and punched oak in the jaw. "Pidgey your mine now." he said as he shoved it back in the poke ball then looted Oak's pockets. He paused looked at Oak.

"This, Oak... This is what justice feels like."

Clutching his chest, Oak grimaced "I made you, you're nothing without me, you'll never be more than a foolish boy, clinging to a childish dream. My grandson will crush you." Ash gazed down on the figure on the floor, the man he once respected, even revered. Somehow he seemed more frail, smaller that he was in Ash's memories. "Goodbye Professor." Ash turned away, glancing back for just a moment, before striding out of the door, never to look back again. The sun was blinding as he emerged from the cave, a baptism of sunlight. "Now..." Ash thought "Now I know what it is to be a pokemon trainer."

Merciless is the only way to be, it seems. Ash could feel the blood on his hands and in his soul, and he knew exactly what he had to do next. As the sunlight burned his face for the first time he saw his future. In the Pewter City gym, Brock sent out his Onyx, his best friend. Without hesitation, Ash's Pikachu snapped its damn neck. In the Celadon gym, Misty sent out a Starmie and Pikachu knew dug its filthy claws into its aquatic brain. Playtime was over. In Vermillion Ash made Pikachu take care of one of its own kind. Just as he was trained to do, his Pikachu gnawed at the paws of his opponent, reducing its speed sharply. Ash's loyal Pikachu kept his opponent alive, so he could savor the taste as well as the sound of his enemy's screams, up until the last breath. Ash was going to be a pokemon master, no matter what.

Onyx had been eaten by Pikachu. Brock had lost his best and only friend and was brought to his knees. "This isn't how Pokemon battles are supposed to be!" he screamed. "Deal with it, bitch" Ash replied. "C'mon Pikachu, let's cause some terrorism.". Pikachu, who had despite the laws of physics remained its small self despite eating something 50 times its size, was enthralled by the prospect. "Pi...kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa". They left the gym to start their reign. They began with the Pokemon Center. Nurse Joy, with her usually jubilant self, greeted the pair. "Aww, a Pikachu! Do you guys need any help!?" Ash smiled. "Do it Pikachu". Pikachu stood up. "Pika!". Pikachu dashed forward with a quick attack up Joy's vagina. He ended it with a thunder attack. The blood was everywhere.

Ash laughed with glee, seeing in his mind's eye the reign of terror they would inflict everywhere. He was not a 10 year old boy anymore... he was a tyrant. "I know who needs some pika in their chu, Pikachu." Ash yelled as he kicked in the door to Team Rocket' headquarters. He strode into the barracks. "Roooocketsss... come out and play-ayyy!" He walked into the showers and saw Jessie standing in the corner, nude and soapy, eyes wide with fear. Pikachu quivered with excitement, sending light currents into the water. Jessie moaned with pain and terror. "Please Ash, have mercy!" she screamed. "Mercy left my soul long ago" he replied. Then Pikachu let out a spark with enough electricity to collapse Jessie to the ground. Ash stood over her and stroked her cheek. "Be my queen" he whispered, "and we will rule the world with blood and electric power." Jessie nodded her head quickly her legs slowly regaining sensation. A sensation that turned the numbed limbs to writhing pain coursed through her she screamed. Ash laughed.

"Good. Good." Ash mused, as he offered Jessie his hand. "Embrace this pain. Let it temper you." Jessie grimaced, taking his hand reluctantly. "Sometimes, I think team rocket, Giovanni, they are all evil. but then I meet a man like you, who reminds me what true evil is."

"You have no idea what I have been through to get where I am." Ash sneered "You conflate ambition with evil. I WILL be the pokemon master. Those who get in my way will die."

For months Jessie reluctantly followed the ambitious boy. Watching as he conquered gym leader after gym leader. Amassing an army of battle hardened killing machines. Until finally they stood at the entrance of the veridian city gym.

"The boss of team rocket, and my former lover, lies beyond this door." Jessie spoke softly, clutching Ash's arm, she had grown oddly fond of the abusive boy over the past months.

"And mine..." Ash growled. "A man named Oak. An Arbok in human skin, the monster who made me this way."

"What?" Jessie took a step back, startled at this revelation, from the normally broodingly silent Ash.

"I have used all my resources to track down this man. And my search has lead me here."

"What will you do?" Jessie asked.

Ash was not in the mood for words. The closer he got to Giovanni, the more his blood boiled. He could feel it coarse through his veins like Tentacruel toxic, infesting his very being and his every thought. He stood in front of the door next to his unexpected companion, Jessie of team rocket. She looked at him and time stopped altogether. Without thinking he kissed her. It was all passion, all emotions, all being. She closed her eyes and the kiss deepened; she knew she was safe. They could walk away right now and run forever. Just then he pulled back and she saw the poison in his eyes. Ash was hell-bent on his goal. Behind this door stood his nemesis, Giovanni, and his former mentor, Oak. The only thing that could stop the bleeding was bloodshed. And they knew it. There was no stopping Ash.

"Jessie, this has to be done." Ash said as he pulled out the thermal detonator. "I know." Jessie replied as she opened her mouth for one last kiss. Ash went in like was going to kiss her and totally put the thermal detonator in her mouth. She exploded. Now there was only one thing left to do. Ash pushed open the iron double doors. There stood his final opponent, the leader of Team Rocket, Giovanni, and Oak, who was lounging on a velvet couch and was wearing a blue two piece bikini. Ash's suspicions about the Professor were finally confirmed, he was only a size 3. Having been trying his entire life to fit into such a size bikini, Ash was viciously jealous. "So, you've finally come" Giovanni said with authority. Ash was distracted, he could not keep his eyes off of his old mentor. This annoyed Giovanni. "Pick your Pokemon, 'Master', you will not survive this fight!" Ash reached down to his belt of Pokemon, and picked the only one that he could trust.

Ash awoke in darkness. He tried to get up, but realized that he was chained to the wall. Slowly it all came back to him. As he had went for his pokeballs on his pokebelt, something had struck him from behind. Damn that Giovanni, he had never fought fair! Ash knew he needed to escape and find his pokemon before Giovanni did horrible things to them. Suddenly, he heard gunshots and the crackle of electricity. The cell was suddenly lit by blue flashes of electricity. The cell door blew in and Pikachu stood silhouetted in the door. "Pika... chu," He said. Using his quick attacks he broke the chains holding Ash to the wall. "I knew I chose right." Ash said, holding Pikachu tightly to his battered, naked body. He felt the familiar stirrings of arousal for the small yellow creature he always had, but there was no time for that now. They ran out the cell and down the hall, where the battered remnants of Giovanni's security stood, blocking the door to his escape rocket. Pikachu exploded the guards with bolts of power. Giovanni stood in the hatch of the rocket, holding a chain attached to Oak's throat. "you may have stopped me from killing you, but you won't stop me from blasting off again, Ashy!" "Like I care about that Mother Fucker Oak. Kill him Giovanni" spat Ash from his bloody lips. Clutching Pikachu his savior, defender and friend with benefits, Ash turned on Giovanni naked and proud. Giovanni stood horrified as Ash let pikachu, a rabid frothing beast torwards him. "Finish him." whispered Ash with a smirk.

"DAMN YOU BOY!" Giovanni spit, throwing one final pokeball as pikachu used thunder. The once proud crime lord shook violently as 100,000 volts coursed through his body. Ash gazed on grimly, he would not look away, this was what the monster deserved. He grimaced as Giovani's body exploded violently, covering the floor of the arena, the remaining pokemon, and Ash with blood and entrails.

Ash breathed deep and walked over to where Oak now lay.

"What now Ash? Do you kill me and wrap up all the loose ends?" Oak sounded weak, defeated, but the bloodlust had drained out of Ash. He was tired too, ready to forgive. "No Oak, its over."Ash offered his old mentor a hand.

"NO!" Oak screamed as he lept up pushing Ash to the ground, as a massive shadow appeard on the ground where Ash had stood a moment before. "wait" Ash thought, "that last pokeball, where had it gone?" Too late, the massive Rydon fell on Oak crushing his lower half.

"Oak!" Ash shouted running to the man. "Why?"

"Because you.." Oak sputtered, coughing up blood "you really are a pokemon master. I'm sorry I didn't see it earlier, maybe things could have turned out differently."

"A lot of things should have turned out differently, Im done with this life." With that Ash drew a pistol from his belt, leveling it at pikachu's head. Pikachu returned his stare with the unthinking eyes of a beast.

"No Ash, not yet, you have one more quest..." Oak choked through the blood "You must defeat the elite four."

"Don't worry professor. I've already beaten them." Ash gave a knowing smile towards the pistol.

Oak Managed two more bloody words before falling lifeless to the floor:

"I came."


End file.
